REDMOND, WASHINGTON --  In an effort to dispell confusion surrounding
Microsoft's upcoming new version of Windows, Microsoft annouced today
that it would rename the upgrade -- formerly known as Windows 95 --
to WinEver.

"There seemed to be a great deal of anxiety about when the product would
ship.  We felt it was in the best interest of our users to free them from
this anxiety," said a Microsoft spokesperson who requested to remain
anonymous.

Industry analysts were quick to praise the decision.  "WinEver will free
Windows users from space and time constraints.  It also gives Windows a
new timeless quality", said a member of Ziff-Davis Publishing's
Editorial Staff.  "This is precisely why OS/2 is failing in the
marketplace -- they have failed to deliver a strategy for their product."

When asked when WinEver would be available, a Microsoft spokesperson said
"Whenever."  The spokesperson added "It really doesn't matter since
WinEver is destined to be the most powerful and popular operating system
ever."  Market and industry analysts quickly agreed adding that "WinEver
has already revolutionized the industry."

A spokesperson from IBM disagreed however.  "Microsoft is still trying to
sell a product that doesn't exist.  IBM has been shipping a 32-bit
operating system since 1992 that runs todays DOS, Windows and OS/2
applications in a stable 32-bit environment with an advanced user
interface.  WinEver -- or WhatEver it's called now -- still relies on
DOS device drivers and is not a true 32-bit OS unlike OS/2."  He added
that "users who think that WinEver will have no compatibility problems
will be in for a surprise."

Most users seem to remain unconvinced however.  "WinEver will run
everything and it won't have any bugs or compatibility problems because
it's from Microsoft.  Why should I buy OS/2 which is less than perfect
when WinEver is right around the corner?"

In a related story, IBM has reportedly been working on incorporating
WinEver compatibility into a future version of OS/2.  Microsoft was
quick to express fear, uncertainty and doubt in regards to IBM's chances
of success.  "IBM is chasing a moving target and without the source code".
Industry analysts and the media agreed adding that this is yet another
example of "OS/2's failing strategy."