TO: All Employees
FROM: Management

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (code 5309). To our department, unproductive time isn't a problem. What is a problem, however, is not knowing exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time.

Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you may encounter.

 
Extended Job Code List
 
Code number   Explanation
----------    -----------
5000          Surfing the Net
5001          Reading Social Email
5316          Meeting
5317          Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5318          Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
5319          Waiting for Break
5320          Waiting for Lunch
5321          Waiting for End of Day
5322          Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
5323          Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker while
              Coworker is not Present
5393          Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend
5400          Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is not
              interested in Learning
5401          Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid
5402          Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates Me
5481          Buying Snack
5482          Eating Snack
5500          Filling Out Timesheet
5501          Inventing Timesheet Entries
5502          Waiting for Something to Happen
5503          Scratching Myself
5504          Sleeping
5510          Feeling Bored
5600          Bitching About Lousy Job
5601          Bitching About Low Pay
5602          Bitching About Long Hours
5603          Bitching About Coworker (see codes #5322, #5323)
5604          Bitching About Boss
5605          Bitching About Personal Problems
5640          Miscellaneous Unproductive Bitching
5701          Not Actually Present At Job
5702          Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu
6102          Ordering Out
6103          Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive
6104          Taking it Easy While Digesting Food
6200          Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
6201          Stealing Company Goods
6202          Making Excuses after Accidentally Destroying Company
              Goods
6203          Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls
6204          Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal
              Calls in Order to Sell Stolen Company Goods
6206          Gossip
6207          Planning a Social Event (e.g., vacation, wedding...)
6210          Feeling Sorry For Myself
6221          Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching
6222          Pretending to Enjoy My Job
6223          Pretending I Like my Coworkers
6224          Pretending I Like Important People When in Reality They
              are Jerks
6238          Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing
6350          Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl
6601          Running my own Business on Company Time (see code #6603)
6602          Complaining
6603          Writing a Book on Company Time
6611          Staring Into Space
6612          Staring At Computer Screen
6615          Transcendental Meditation
7281          Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)
7400          Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone
7401          Talking With Plumber on Phone
7402          Talking With Dentist on Phone
7403          Talking With Doctor on Phone
7404          Talking With Masseuse on Phone
7405          Talking With House Painter on Phone
7406          Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone
7419          Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone
7425          Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone (see also 7400)
7931          Asking Coworker to Aid Me in an Illicit Activity
8000          Recreational Drug Use