ON METAPHYSICS
Deja Fu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in the 
head like this before.
     
ON DEEP THOUGHTS
A day without sunshine is like night.
     
ON PARADOX AND RETURN POLICIES
There is a CD out entitled "The Worst of Jefferson Airplane". If you buy 
this, take it home, play it, and enjoy it, should you take it back and 
demand a refund?
     
ON HIGHER EDUCATION
College is a fountain of knowledge...and the students are there to 
drink.
     
ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS
A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.
     
ON YOUTH
"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. 
I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk." -- Stephen 
King, 3/8/90
     
ON PROBLEM SOLVING
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble 
a nail.-- Abraham Maslow
     
ON MATERIALISM
He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.
     
ON RELIGIOUS PRACTICES
Photons have mass?  I didn't know they were catholic!
     
ON INFINITY
If you had everything, where would you keep it?
     
ON ECONOMICS
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
     
ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING
I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone 
has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top. -- 
English Professor, Ohio University
     
ON REVISIONIST HISTORY
What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?
     
ON DATING
When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the occasional 
division by zero.
     
ON LAMENTATION
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
     
ON POETIC LOVE
When you're swimmin' in the creek
And an eel bites your cheek
That's a moray!
 -- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers
     
ON MODERNISM
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two.  One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with 
brightly colored machine tools.
     
ON MATERIAL SCIENCE
Character density:  The number of very weird people in the office.
     
ON EXTINCTION
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
     
ON LITERATURE
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with 
great force.-- Dorothy Parker
     
ON HUMILITY
To err is human, to moo bovine.
     
ON PROPHECY
The meek shall inherit the earth---they are too weak to refuse.
     
ON EXCUSES
I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.-- Joe Walsh
     
ON NUMBERS
Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3---not even for very large values of 2.
     
ON WORLD POLITICS
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
     
ON DRUGS AND DEVELOPMENT
There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We 
don't believe this to be a coincidence.