Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline - 
  if you are obsessive compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.     
  if you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
  if you have multiple personalities, please press 3,4,5, and 6.
  if you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you
     want. Stay on the line so we can trace the call.
  if you are schizopohrenic, listen carefully and a little voice
     will tell you uwhich number to press.
  if you are manic-depressivre, it doesn't matter which number you
     press, No one will answer.