THINGS TO TRY FOR NEXT TERM:
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Smoke a pipe and respond to each point the professor makes by waving
it and saying, "Quite right, old bean!"

Wear X-Ray Specs.  Every few minutes, ask the professor to focus the
overhead projector.

Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth into
sharp points.

Sit in the front and colour in your textbook.

When the professor calls your name in roll, respond "that's my name,
don't wear it out!"

Introduce yourself to the class as the "master of the pan flute".

Give the professor a copy of The Watchtower.  Ask him where his soul would
go if he died tomorrow.

Wear earmuffs.  Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder.

Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board.

Squint thoughtfully while giving the professor strange looks. In the
middle of lecture, tell him he looks familiar and ask whether he was
ever on Montel.

Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test.  If the professor says
no, rip the pages out of your textbook.

Become entranced with your first materials lecture, and declare your
intention to pursue a career in Young's Modulus research.

Sing your questions.  Even better - harmonize them with the person beside
you.

Speak only in rhymes and hum the Jeopardy theme.

When the professor calls roll, after each name scream "THAT'S MEEEEE!  Oh,
no, sorry."

Insist in a Southern drawl that your name really is Wuchen Li.  If you
actually are Chinese, insist that your name is Vladimir Fernandez O'Reilly.

Page through the textbook scratching each picture and sniffing it.

Wear your pajamas.  Pretend not to notice that you've done so.

Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY".

Inform the class that you are Belgian royalty, and have a friend bang
cymbals together whenever your name is spoken.

Stare continually at the professor's crotch.  Occassionally lick your lips.

Address the professor as "your excellency".

Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he's been
drinking.

Shout "WOW!" after every sentence of the lecture.

Bring a mirror and spend the lecture writing Bible verses on your face.

Ask whether you have to come to class.

Present the professor with a large fruit basket.

Bring a "seeing eye rooster" to class.

Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle haffen
dee henvay?"  Become agitated when the professor can't understand
you.

Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard
erasers.

Watch the professor through binoculars.

Start a "wave" in X-1040.

Ask to introduce your "invisible friend" in the empty seat beside you,
and ask for one extra copy of each handout.

When the professor turns on the overhead, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!"

Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your
name, even it's Smith.  Claim that the i is silent.

Sit in the front row reading the professor's graduate thesis and
snickering.

As soon as the first bell rings, volunteer to put a problem on the
board.  Ignore the professor's reply and proceed to do so anyway.

Claim that you wrote the class text book. "I AM HIBBELER!"

Claim to be the teaching assistant.  If the real one objects, jump
up and scream "IMPOSTER!"

Spend the lecture blowing kisses to other students.  Be careful - this is
engineering after all.

Every few minutes, take a sheet of tissue paper, write "Wipe yer mouth &
pass it on" at the top, and start passing it around the room.

Stand to ask questions.  Bow deeply before taking your seat after the
professor answers.

Wear a cape with a big S on it.  Inform classmates that the S stands
for "stud".

Interrupt every few minutes to ask the professor, "Can you spell that?"

Disassemble your pen.  "Accidentally" propel pieces across the room while
playing with the spring.  Go on furtive expeditions to retrieve the
pieces.  Repeat.

Wink at the professor every few minutes.

In the middle of lecture, ask your professor whether he believes in
ghosts.

Laugh heartily at everything the professor says.  Snort when you laugh.

Wear a black hooded cloak to class and ring a bell.
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