"The Modern Man's Guide to Understanding His Wife" 
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  WIFESPEAK                   ENGLISH EQUIVALENT
  ---------                   ------- ----------
* You want              <==>  You want
* We need               <==>  I want
* It's your decision    <==>  The right decision should be obvious by now
* Do what you want      <==>  You'll pay for this later
* We need to talk       <==>  I need to complain
* Sure,... go ahead     <==>  I don't want you to
* I'm hungry            <==>  (a) Make me something to eat
                              (b) Stop what you are doing, scrape together
                                  your last $$, and go drive across town
                                  and get me something to eat. ... I don't 
                                  care if what you are doing is important.
* I'm not upset         <==>  Of course I'm upset, you moron
* You're,... so manly   <==>  You need a shave and you sweat a lot
* You're certainly      <==>  Is sex all you ever think about?
  attentive tonight
* I'm not emotional!    <==>  I'm having my period
  And I'm not over-
  reacting!
* Be romantic, turn     <==>  I have flabby thighs
  out the lights.
* This kitchen is so    <==>  I want a new house
  inconvenient
* The car is empty      <==>  Go fill it up
* The trash is full     <==>  Take it out
* The dog is barking    <==>  Go outside in your underwear and see what is
                              wrong
* I want new curtains   <==>  and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
* I need wedding shoes  <==>  the other 40 pair are the wrong shade of white
* Hang the picture      <==>  NO! I mean hang it there!
  there                
* I heard a noise       <==>  I noticed you were almost asleep
* Do you love me?       <==>  I'm going to ask for something expensive
* How much do you love  <==>  I did something today you're really not going
  me?                         to like


In answer to "What's Wrong?"

* Nothing               <==>  Everything
* Everything            <==>  My PMS is acting up
* Nothing, really       <==>  It's just that you're such an asshole
* I don't want to talk  <==>  Go away, I'm still building up steam.
  about it
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